Mother’s Day. Do you love it, hate it, or are you indifferent? Does it trigger you? Trigger is a funny word, isn’t it? Does the word ‘mother’ make you feel all the emotions?

My blog this week was going to be about motherhood. I was thinking about the joys of being a mum, as well as the understandable ups and downs we all go through.

Yesterday I heard that one of my school friends passed away last month. It’s just not fair. She leaves behind a husband and children, and a loving mum of her own. A mother shouldn’t have to bury her child, her daughter.

The second loss of an old friend this year. Unfortunately, life happens and I’d not contacted either of my friends for a long time. Now I can’t. It’s such a weird feeling.

Then I remind myself that I’ll be sixty in a couple of years. I’m no spring chicken and I’m blessed to be alive. I am grateful, every single day. My heart goes out to those who are mourning loss – of mother, daughter, wife, husband, son, brother, cousin, best friend…

My word for the year is connection. My plan was, and still is, to reconnect with some people I love. It’s scary, but I can be brave. After all, we don’t all get to fulfill our dreams.

There’s a book I keep trying to write, about connection, and motherhood, mistakes, regrets and moving forward. I get so far into it and I stop. The emotions are too raw to write it all in one sitting.

Instead, I’ve just finished book 3 in my Blackwood Women series.

Is it ironic that I am writing about a family of three generations of women, when my only experiences are through books, television shows and movies? I’ve written about my lack of family and ‘normal’ family relationships before. I don’t want to talk about it today.

Today I want to honour my friends and family who have passed into another world, beyond the veil. No matter what you believe, they are in heaven, safe, pain free, and I like to think, watching over those people they love.

Happy Reading x