Jigsaws, posh wine, crime writers, azaleas, and tennis. Just some of the items I remember when I think of my mother. Sitting cross legged on the bed in the room where I’d spent many hours curled up in the corner, reading, writing or daydreaming, it felt odd, being back at home, without either of my parents. Nothing much had changed in the room over the last thirty years. Is it really that long since I sat here? The bookshelf, still full of my favourite childhood books, and a couple of jigsaws, sat under the window, as it always had. Dad helped me put it there so I could start my Enid Blyton book collection.

Such a long time ago that I sat here, wishing I had a mother who’d sit and talk about boys and growing up. I wanted more of a bond between my mother and I, like all the other kids. She was always busy, never needing my help at all. As long as I worked hard, and obeyed the rules, both my parents were happy. I’d vowed to parent differently if I ever became a mother.

Having just lost them both, there’d be no opportunities for making amends. Mother’s Day, coming up in a few days, heightened the sense of loss. Not just of my parents, but my own position as a mother with my child so far away and out of reach. How could I think of being a proper mother to my child, when my role model eluded me?

I stared down at the teddy bear propped up on the pillow. Did my child have a teddy on his bed? Was he being looked after? What would it take to rescue him and bring him home? Hot tears ran down my cheeks. I wiped them away determinedly.

It may be too late to mend the bridge between myself and my mother, but I could still save my son. Regret tugged at my heart, as if someone stabbed me, and pulled a string tight. For too long I let anxiety and fear rule my life. I had friends who could help me survive and distract me from my melancholy. For their love I’d be forever grateful.

The time to step up, couldn’t be put off any longer. This war had taken its toll on others I loved. I punched the numbers on my keypad. “I’m ready,” I said to the voice on the other end of the phone.

Excerpt (draft) from Broken Lies due for release later in 2025.