Some people get excited at Christmas time. It might be the thought of presents, holidays and time off work, parties, or catching up with friends and spending time with families and loved ones. There are others for whom Christmas is a sad and even scary time, full of memories, pain, unrealistic expectations, obligations to be places, buy presents, prepare foods, and the whole thing may be overwhelming.
In part I blame media, advertising and even ‘disney’ movies as I call the movies and shows that depict perfect smiling families all getting on, all spending time together, travelling against all odds to spend time together, all buying the perfect gifts, cooking perfect meals, in homes decorated inside and out perfectly. The expectations put on us from these shows, movies and advertisements we tend to place on ourselves, but are also placed by others. Generations ago people did spend all the time in the world preparing their homes, the food, the presents etc for the ‘holiday season’ and people did make an effort to travel to spend time together. This does still occur today, but don’t ever be fooled into thinking it is effortless or the ‘proper’ way to spend Christmas.
It is very real that people in families fall out, there is past abuse to deal with, past behaviours and actions which make it hard to forgive, forget and spend time pretending to play happy families. I hope that we never ever make someone feel obligated to spend time where they feel unsafe or it makes them anxious, depressed or worse. It is incredibly sad to watch a loved one move away from family, but if they are doing it for their own sanity, safety and mental health, we should applaud and support as much as we can.
Some people are dealing with the loss of a loved one over the last twelve months, or have lost someone dear (dad, mum, son, daughter, husband, wife, best friend…) and no matter how many years have passed the person is still missed, there is an empty seat at the table. The celebration will never be the same, the holiday will never be the same, but we can still remember the person and join with those who are together to share time and memories.
For those who enjoy the type of family where everyone gets excited and pitches in to make the time spent together perfect, remember it is not all about money and cost. Happiness and company can be simple and not cause credit card melt down. I do truly love the concept and respect those who can and do have families where all celebrate together. You all know my story of dysfunctionality perpetuated as I knew no better. The one thing I would change now, looking back, is I wouldn’t have suggested my kids spend time with their dad and his family over Christmas, I would have fought tooth and nail to keep them all for the Christmas period, and created the family I didn’t ever know. Yes selfish in hindsight is rather pointless and I don’t mean this in a negative way at all, it is merely a statement of fact. While I wish I was spending time with each of my four children over Christmas, as long as they are safe and happy and enjoy Christmas in the way each of them can to find happiness, all good. I will be spending Christmas with dear friends, which is nearly as good as family.
That is the other important Christmas message from my perspective, invite someone to share a meal, not just at Christmas but whenever you can. There are people doing it tough to whom some kindness will make the world of difference. I am truly blessed, I do have four absolutely gorgeous and beautiful children, and over time have been blessed with a range of people in my life who are very dear to me who welcome me at Christmas and always. Here in Boorowa with Pete the same is true. We have a great group of friends and we spend time together, not just at Christmas, but always.
So, despite what we see on the television, movies, shows, ads for supermarkets, make Christmas whatever it is that makes you happy. That could mean the full on family experience, travel, helping feed the homeless, traveling between family members, time at the park with kids, visiting someone in hospital, or even not celebrating the day at all. Each of these options are just as valid. The key is to be kind to yourself, no matter what. If it is too stressful and will cause mental anguish, don’t do it. Decorate if it makes you happy, cook and clean and prepare…or book a restaurant and take your family out, or bbq and salad while playing outside, or inside, whatever you do, or don’t do….as long as it is what makes you smile and doesn’t cause harm to anyone else. Happy Christmas.