Growing up I was taught not to ask for help if I needed help. Instead, the way to behave is to either figure it out for yourself, do it yourself, or if you can’t just don’t try. I don’t mean I was explicitly told those words; it was a message that I picked up on, probably incorrectly, and have used ever since.

One of my closest friends tells the story that when she met me, I was struggling to get a pram, one of those big prams from the early 1990’s, up a flight of stairs, by myself. The pram held my most precious gift, my young baby son. What did I do when my new friend asked if she could help? I said, ‘no thank you, I can do it myself.’ Luckily for me she persisted in trying to break through and we have been friends ever since. Thirty two years!

To this day, if someone asks if I need help, or if I would like something to eat or drink, my automatic verbal response, before I even think about it, is, ‘No thank you.’ Even if I desperately want help, or I am thirsty or hungry, ‘no thanks’ is still my response.

I have lived for over half a century (which is amazing when you take into account how stubborn and independent I am), and there are still many years left in which I want to learn many new things. I have so many projects I still want to learn and put into practice.

Before I can do this I am going to have to un-learn some things. I will have to replace ‘Asking for help is a sign of weakness’ with ‘it is okay to ask for help, you can still be independent and have someone give a helping hand.’ Instead of ‘If you need something, do it yourself,’ with ‘it is okay to ask questions and have your needs met.’

I woke up this morning with this message shouting at me, quietly, so as to not wake my sleeping husband. So I decided I must write it down. I suspect it is going to take a while for the message to get through to me. The message that is it okay to ask for help, is a little jumbled with other messages.

We are complex beings. We can simultaneously believe that we can do it if we try, that anything is achievable, but that this message is right for everyone else, except us. We can always offer to help everyone else, all the time, but not be comfortable accepting any kind of help in return. We can tell others they can achieve their dreams, but doubt it is true of ourselves. We can be stubborn and independent and unsure, and insecure all at the same time.

Luckily I really do believe the saying that we can ‘teach an old dog new tricks.’ I have been re-inspired to get in and plan what I have always envisioned for our place. I have all the ideas, inspirations and plans. Now to manifest a new way of living so that I am still independent but not quite so stubborn. If I can do it, you can too!