Not sure the title accurately reflects the content of this post, but couldn’t quite get the right phrase. People come in all shapes and sizes. Some people we take to right away, like a kindred spirit they energise us and we are all the better for spending time with them. We look forward to meeting with them and breaking bread with them. We talk for hours, even if we haven’t seen them for years, at the next meeting we feel right at home.
There are others, we take an instant dislike to and don’t like their company at all. If they are part of our circle, family, friend or work, we tolerate them for the sake of harmony. We try to take them with a grain of salt, and not be upset by their loud rantings, or take anything that is said personally. We are not too invested in the relationship and it doesn’t cause us harm.
I know that in some cases people are just plain nasty and do cause angst and harm whenever we are near, unfortunately in some cases it is physical and emotional harm and that is never okay in any circumstances. We all have a right to be safe, to feel safe. Toxic people, people who drain our energy can come in all shapes and sizes. We all have a right to feel safe, to move away, to say no. If you are in a relationship with someone causing you harm, seek help, confide in a friend or specialist.
There are others, who aren’t nasty, they appear on the surface to be good wholesome, helpful people, but the more we get to know them, something seems a little off. They aren’t mean, but they may be gossips, very quick to tell stories about other people, the good and the bad, taking us into their confidence. Makes you wonder, or at least makes me wonder, if they are doing the same with others about us. This isn’t a very well researched post, just my thoughts.
Which brings me to more random thoughts. Are people the sum of their upbringing? Can they break free from what they know and have learnt from their parents? What makes some families stay together and others fall apart? What makes some people stubborn and others not? Why are some people bossy and bad tempered while others are easy going and nothing ever phases them? Are we all going to end up like our parents, despite trying very hard not to?
In the end its all about choice, and we do have the power to make the choice and to choose the life path that is the best life path for us. We can choose to be a victim, we can choose to be like our parents, or nothing like them. We can choose to turn away from those we were close to, or choose to work harder at the relationship. Sadly it can take some of us many years to realise the truth that each of us hold the power. Others seem to have this knowledge early on in life. Some of us are still learning. To an extent we are the sum of our experiences.
An example, as a child I was told that children were to be seen and not heard. Determined not to make the same rule with my kids I encouraged them to speak their mind, from a very young age. All well and good and I have four beautiful children with definite views and thoughts and I love that about them. The paradox for me is, although I too can be outspoken and bossy, I also tend to spend too much time deferring to others and not speaking up, poor Pete sometimes doesn’t know which Sarah he has – bossy Sarah or quiet Sarah (though there is less and less quiet Sarah!) It is funny, but one more than one occasion in my life I found myself deferring to others, even though I disagree with what they are saying, suggesting, doing, rather than rocking the boat or speaking up. When people are loud, scary, overbearing or demanding most of us would tend to back down.
All just my thoughts, but I hope for everyone reading this and everyone I love and care about, that we are able to be confident enough to find our own power. Confident enough to speak out when something doesn’t feel right, not be scared of speaking out. But conversely, also to be confident enough to forgive and step down and be less stubborn as well. Yes adulating is tough, life is tough, so many rules, so many things to consider and be aware of. We may only have one life, but thankfully there are many opportunities for each of us in this life.