We all have emotions and all our emotions are valid. Don’t ever let anyone else tell you otherwise or make you feel less than you are because you feel more keenly, are more sensitive or emotional than others are willing to admit about themselves. That is part of a message I want to send to my children, and the other young people we have met, who are struggling with emotions, their identity, who they are, what they believe in and how to be true to ourselves yet survive in this big and sometimes cruel and unfair world.

I have learnt that it is difficult to separate from the cruelty, the pain and the unfairness of the world when we are in the drama, living the injustice, pain and cruelty on a daily basis. Some people develop depression, anxiety and other dis ease as a result of the impact of the trauma of abuse, cruelty or injustices. Others are able to see past the present and dream and manifest a future or happiness, peace and love.

I know someone who had a fairly cruel upbringing, father away a lot, mother would beat and belt, him, expect chores and errands run from the age of 6. You could forgive him if he fell into a life of apathy, depression, cruelty and sadness, perpetuating what he felt and experienced. Somehow he has been able to get past, not forgive or forget, but just move past, the pain, the loss, the expectations, the lack he experienced and lead and live a full life. Yes sometimes he gets ‘down’ or melancholy, but then we all do. It’s what we do long term, every day that counts. He is one of the most positive people I have ever met.

I think I am a fairly positive person, Pollyanna to some, but for a long time I hid a lot of negative emotions, determined not to succumb to depression or anxiety or similar. I had to be strong for my kids, I had to protect and keep them safe, teach them the difference between right and wrong, help them discover how to live in the world. I was so busy determined to protect them and keep them safe that I lost them. I had little positive experience from my own childhood to draw on. My parents did their absolute best, but when Dad died before I turned 10, Mum dealt with that by withdrawal, alcohol and cigarettes, rules and regulations, no fun, spontaneity, laughter or family members to learn alternate ways of dealing with life from. To say I lived a sheltered life, lacking experiences of how to be a child was an understatement. I was determined to provide my children with the fun, spontaneity, happiness, laughter experiences that were so lacking in mine. Ironically due to the lack of those experiences I was unable to provide them for my children. I had no support or experiences to draw on and when our marriage fell apart the children all went to the fun parent, their dad.

That’s all ancient history and this blog isn’t about that at all, only in that I want my children and other young people to understand that it is okay to be emotional, sad, and upset but it’s what we do with those emotions and feelings that count. It is hard to let go of the pain, the addictions we use to mask the pain, but we can do it.

It sounds trite, but meditation, walking and exercise, eating well, drinking water, re-training our minds actually work. It may be a long slow process for some, for others it is a quickly process. Some days its two steps forward and one back, but don’t give up.

The other advice I want to share is essential oils and diffuse, diffuse, diffuse. Honestly I wish Doterra had more variety with their diffusers, to save me having to find others on line, me and technology seriously not a good match some days. Doterra have several different essential oils scientifically created and tested to help replace negative emotions, pain, sadness, anxiety, depression with more uplifting moods and emotions. Forgive, Cheer, Passion, Motivate, Peace and Console, their names speak to the moods and emotions they support with. Balance, Elevation, Citrus Bliss and Lavender Peace the 4 oils in the mood management kit work to promote positive emotions, moods and mindsets and there are many people, including myself and Pete, with stories of how these oils have helped. For me, the science behind these oils is even more amazing, that the oils pass the blood brain barrier and work directly on the part of our brain responsible for feelings and emotions. To combat feelings of disappointment at the business not running as expected, we diffuse Balance and Elevation (which I have made up as a roller for daily application, or as often as required). To help Pete relax I diffuse Lavender Peace with Patchouli. When his Mum passed away we used Peace a lot, to Motivate on weekends when its cold or windy, motivate or passion are in the diffuser. These oils have definitely helped combat emotions, and lack of focus or motivation, for both of us. Today its Motivation in the diffuser, cheer on wrists, balance and elevation on back of neck and off we go!