I listen to people talking about how they are at work is different from how they are at home. That their behaviour with their work colleagues is different from their behaviour at home. Some people are apparently a whole lot stricter at home, with their spouse or their children. Others say they are tougher at work than at home. When on training courses for work I keep hearing that the behaviours we exhibit at work would be different than we are at home. Our behaviours, our characteristics, our way of being, even our personalities differ, depending on the audience.

While I understand why people feel they have to adopt a certain persona or act a certain way to get and keep control of a situation, I don’t do this. I am me, whether at home, at work, or anywhere else. I treat people as I would want to be treated, with courtesy and respect. Does this really make me unusual? I want to work together with and help and teach and guide and join with others to achieve a common goal, at work and elsewhere. I do acknowledge that in the past I could have behaved differently to get what I wanted and things would have turned out differently. If I had not considered others feelings, needs and outcomes ahead of mine, I most certainly would have benefited materialistically and maybe in other ways too. And yet, to deliberately act “unauthentically” to suit my own agenda? It doesn’t sit well with me.

Now, that’s just me, I am not suggesting that everyone behave as I do. What I am suggesting is self reflection – what does being authentic mean for each of us? For some of us it may mean that we behave differently, depending on the situation. Sometimes situations with our boss, our work mate or our spouse may call for stern behaviour. Other times compassion may be what is needed. As a young mother, determined to treat my children with love and respect, kindness and compassion, I should have been stricter, with them and their father. Hindsight and life experience is a wonderful thing. At work, we shouldn’t let others push us around. We can stand up for what we believe in and still be true to who we are. Offering to help our work mates, our family, our spouse, shouldn’t be seen as a sign of weakness.

We are not all the same, we all have different values and ideals and yet somehow need to live and work alongside others who think, feel and behave very differently. I think one of the keys to being able to live and work with others is not to be too hard on others, or on ourselves. If someone is disrespectful or a bully, we don’t have to mirror or behave in the same way. It is not a sign of weakness to say no, that’s not right, or to walk away. If someone expects too much of us, we can decline, with a smile. We are not being disrespectful if we can’t live up to others expectations. At the end of the day, are we happy with our behaviour? Can we go to sleep at night, happy that we did the best we could with the information that was available to us?

Being authentic, being true to who ae are, is a personal journey. There is no definitive right or wrong answer. There is just us, who we are today, who we want to be tomorrow, and how we are prepared to interact with others.