It is not possible to please everyone, nor to be everything to everyone else and still be true to ourselves. This is true, whether we are parents or children and no matter what relationship we are in. There are so many unhealthy relationships we find ourselves in where others use coercion, persuasion, neediness or bullying to get us to act or perform how they want us to. Threats of harm, to self or others, ‘you don’t really love me, because if you did, you would…,’ intimidation, messing with our minds and self worth. There are many ways others try to exert this control, to get us to do what they want, but don’t consider that we might also like them to behave in a certain way, for love, respect, caring or kindness. This can tie us up in knots, if we let it.

Often we allow this behaviour to happen to us, because it has always been this way, learnt behaviour from childhood, or learnt behaviour watching adults behave and then taking on similar roles as adults. This behaviour pattern can last for many years, before we start to question and challenge the behaviour. It may only be when we leave home, start a job or study and broaden our experiences that we realise there are other ways of interacting.

Interestingly, when we discover that we don’t have to be bullied into doing what others want, it can cause just as much emotional torment as doing what others want. We may start feeling guilty about standing up for ourselves. We may start to worry that others wont love us anymore, if we change our behaviour. We start to doubt the change we want to make is for the better. Quite often, for many of us, this is the start of a cycle that can go on for years. Realise we can stand up for ourselves and do so, be verbally ridiculed for this independence, feel guilty and return to old ways of being – the cycle continues. Sometimes we remain in unhealthy relationships because of our kids, our parents, or if it is a working relationship, because we need the money to pay our bills. There is no easy one fits all answer, it is down to what we need to do for our own well being.

Some of us will be able to stay in the relationship, and stand up for ourselves. Some will have to leave and start a new life, home, career somewhere else. Some of us will make changes to make sure our children or dependants are safe, some of us will stay put for exactly the same reason. Making changes like this is hard, it comes with a whole new set of challenges, but it is worth it, if we keep the doubts, worry and guilt at bay. If we can not do this, these emotions can destroy us and negate all the positive changes. There is no one size fits all answer, it is entirely up to us as individuals, as to what changes we can make, and why we decide to do what we do.

When we are doubtful that we have made the right decision, or are not sure of what the right decision is, yoga and chakra meditation can help. Chakras are the seven main energy centres in our body, often described as wheels or flowers, that spin and emit energy throughout our body. If we are not feeling well, or our energy is off balance, it may mean our chakras are blocked. The good news is simple meditation and visualising the chakras in our bodies and an awareness of our energy can help unblock and balance our body, mind, emotions and spirit. When I first learnt about the seven main chakras, their colours, their meanings and links to healing, I was excited. I could see how using this knowledge and with Reiki and crystals I could help heal myself and others.

A really quick summary, happy to share more about chakras with anyone who wants to learn more, is that the chakra energies, when balanced, help us be grounded, body, mind and spirit; helps us be strong and believe in ourselves and our power; helps heal addictions; we can speak our mind; love ourselves and others; use our intuition and be open to angelic messages. That is the quickest summary I can come up with, and hope it makes sense. Find somewhere quiet where you wont be disturbed. Try to picture each of the energy wheels, from the bottom of our bodies the colours are red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple and clear light, spinning freeing and brightly. Take a few deep breaths as you picture the chakras, as you breathe out, let go of all concern, worry, guilt, pain, doubt and sadness. After a few minutes you should feel more relaxed, more empowered.

While there may not be any solve all remedy that fixes everything, for me, meditation, the chakras, Reiki, crystals, candles and now the essential oils as well are all healing modalities that complement each other. Whenever I experience the doubt or worry that comes along with being a parent, being human I use these to calm myself. Hopefully my writing helps others know they are not alone, they are not helpless, there are things we can do to help ourselves. We have to help ourselves first, heal ourselves, know ourselves, love ourselves, and be true to ourselves, to be then able to help and heal and teach and guide others.