How often do we find ourselves asking; Who am I? What do I want? How am I living my life and is it in line with how I would like to live my life? How can I change? Do I want to change? What do others think of me? How could I do better? What lessons have I learnt?

We can get so caught up on these types of questions, on how we are perceived by others and what we have done wrong, or not done right, or not done as we think others expect of us, that we lose sight of who we are. We all have regrets but they are not who we are. We could all have dealt with relationships differently, not better, but differently. Life is a series of lessons to be learned on the journey. We learn, we grow, and we forgive ourselves. If others forgive us too all the better, but if not, we can’t spend the rest of our lives bending over backwards to try to fit their mould.

So after a lifetime of losing ourselves, of fitting in with others perceptions of ourselves, how do we find us again? (And yes we have every right to be us and happy no matter what everyone else says – we are individuals as well as parents, siblings, children, friends, bosses, work mates, teachers etc.) Where do we start?

Start by spending time thinking about what we like, what we would like to be and what we would like to do. We don’t have to know how we will do any of it, the key is to use our imagination, our mind, heart and soul to begin to paint a picture of how our life can be. Once we have the beginnings of how our lives can be, we can set about taking steps to make the changes, some of them, and very slowly.

We can take small steps each day to focus on what we want to achieve in our lives. Be grateful for what we already have, notice and appreciate nature’s messages. The attitude of gratitude cannot be over stressed in the difference it can make in our lives. If we are grateful for and acknowledge and thank the universe for all the good in our lives, we will attract more good into our lives. Our angels and spirit guides will help lead us in the right direction, if we are open to their messages. Once we change our outlook, be thankful and listen to our angels and spirit guides amazing things start to happen.

We continue to build up the picture of who we are, focusing on what we believe to be true. What are the essential truths about my life? Who am I? Who am I in relation to others, not how they perceive me, but who I really am?

What is holding me back from being all that I can be, all I want to be, do and create? Is there a fear of failure? A fear of not being good enough? Are there thoughts I can’t shake that appears to be stopping me from achieving my dreams?

These are learnt patterns and we can retrain our brains to stop this thought pattern and replace it with positive thoughts. A lifetime of negativity will take time to change, but it can be done. We can change and retrain our brain, it takes a conscious effort on our part but it can be done. Yes there will be days when it is harder than others to shake off old patterns. The key is not to berate yourself for not achieving, but to keep trying, practice and you will get there.

There is a lot of literature written about how the key to achieving what we want is gratitude, being thankful and grateful for everything in our lives. It might sound too simple and easy, but it works. When we are grateful for and thankful for the good in our lives we are letting the universe know we are grateful for the good in our lives and the message is that we want more of the same. The other simple truth is to be grateful for what we want, even though it may be things we don’t already have in our lives. The perfect house, job, partner, the car, the holiday, the perfect relationships, no matter how big small or unlikely, by doing this we are opening ourselves up to the good that is out there for us.

Focus on who we are, imagine and dream about what we can be. Spend time being grateful for what we already have, and also for what we want. Take small action steps each day towards achieving our goals.